Beyond the Karen: Choosing Respect

Hi,

I don't mean to be a bother; I won’t take up too much of your time, I promise. This feels so odd; I’m not one to make a fuss or seek out attention. And, as I said, I don’t want to be a bother to anyone or ruin anyone’s fun, but I just feel that it’s the right time to say something.

I’m married, my husband, Darren, he’s in the insurance business, and he’s done very well for himself. We’ve been together for 16 years, married for twelve of those years. Now, I love Darren with all my heart and soul, but we’re human, and sometimes we have disagreements. Nothing major, just, you know, don't just drop your dirty socks anywhere, there’s a hamper for that. And when you shave, remember to clean the sink out so it doesn’t look like our bathroom has a five o’clock shadow. Small things, simple things, and honestly, I don’t usually have to ask Darren twice; he’s very conscientious, and that is one of the many things I love about him.

We have two kids, Bobby and Annabeth. They’re both doing very well in school. Annabeth is on the chess team and in the drama club. You know, I have to say, and not just because I’m her mother, but my little girl has got some serious talent. Bobby, oh, he plays baseball and is president of the science club. He loves experimenting with things, coming up with ideas, and seeing if he can make them real. He’s a very curious boy; his father and I think that’s great.

Last year, we left the kids with Darren’s parents, and we went on a vacation together, just us, like we were in high school again, no jobs, no kids, just Darren and I. It was lovely, we went to Italy. Oh my goodness, the food and the people. If you ever get the chance, I think you should go, it’s so wonderful. I think it’s important to see other countries and other cultures; it makes you appreciate humanity and how good we have it here. It was a wonderful two weeks.

Listen to me: I said I wasn’t going to take much of your time, and yet here I am, rambling on about vacations and my kiddos. Okay, to the point, finally.

There’s been a lot of people talking online about me, I don’t mean me personally, but saying things and labeling people, and I really have to say, it’s making me very upset. Darren told me to write it down. “Write it down, get it all out, and then put it online; maybe that will ease your anger.” He’s a good man, my Darren, and he usually has the perfect solutions to any problem. I tell you, I would be lost without him. He says that about me, but I think we feel the same way about each other.

So, here are some things that I would never do, In fact, I would be mortified if I did.

I would never, ever yell at a fast food worker because my order was slow or mixed up. How terrible is that when people start yelling at the poor kids working fast food? They don’t need that, they’re young, for most of them it’s their first job, their first taste of responsibility and mistakes get made. I mean, if we let all the people responsible for the 2008 financial crisis go without punishment, except that one man, what was his name, Kareem Serageldin, yes, the Credit Suisse man. If we can let all the other people who were responsible for that major financial disaster walk away scott-free, I’m sure we can find it in our hearts not to yell at the pimple-faced boy for forgetting to remove the onions from his Whopper. Do you see what I’m saying? There are many worse things than a bad fast food order, and if you get so upset about the little things, then you’re not going to last too long in the world.

I would never strike another human being, especially not for taking a parking space or for the last small Christmas tree in the lot. I cannot think of anything that would make me so mad that I would actually raise my hand in anger at another person; I just wasn’t raised that way. I’m proud to say that.

Here’s something else I would never do: use racial language in public or in private. I’m not ignorant; I know racism is out there; I am not going to say I’m color blind; that’s silly. I see color, but I don’t judge. And I do not allow that kind of talk from my kids either. Darren and I have raised them to be respectful to all people. To treat everyone with kindness. So, yelling racist things in the Walmart is not who I am.

Here’s something else I’d never do: be disrespectful to a police officer. I know they are having a rough time these days, and people are all yelling we need to defund the police, but that’s not who I am. I was raised to respect police officers and respect the law. I believe the police have our best interests in mind, and we should give them respect for the job they do.

Speaking of respect, that’s another thing. I would not scream at strangers that, “YOU must respect me,” respect is earned, and when it’s been earned, I am more than happy to show respect. But if you come barefoot and angry into Starbucks and start yelling at the workers and demand respect, that doesn’t fly with me, not at all.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this whole “Karen” thing, and how much it’s gotten under my skin. I mean, it’s become such a label, hasn't it? A label that people throw around like confetti, and it stings. I’ve heard it whispered at grocery stores when someone gets impatient in line. Or, heaven forbid, when I call out the cashier for overcharging me, I see eyes rolling from the people behind me, ready to dismiss me as a "Karen." But let me be clear, I do not act like that.

One thing that sticks out to me—just a few months ago, I was at a local café, waiting patiently in line, when the woman ahead of me started yelling at the barista. She’d been waiting for her order for a whole 5 minutes, and it was clear she was frustrated. But instead of addressing the issue politely, she was demanding her drink in a tone that left no room for dignity. The poor young woman behind the counter was trying her best, but the woman just wouldn’t have it. I was shocked, but what shocked me even more was how the others in line just stood there, nodding in agreement. It was like the whole place had become complicit in enabling this kind of behavior.

I don’t know, maybe it’s because I was raised with the values of kindness and understanding, but I just couldn’t keep quiet. I quietly walked up to the counter and asked the barista if everything was okay. She seemed so relieved, and she apologized for the delay. I looked at the woman who had been causing the ruckus and said, “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sure she’s doing her best.” It wasn’t a confrontation, but I made sure that the barista knew she was not alone in that situation.

But it wasn’t just that one incident. A few weeks ago, Darren and I were at a family gathering, and one of his cousins—who, I must say, has a bit of a temper—was going off about how she got “stuck” behind a police officer at a red light. She was going on and on about how they were “just sitting there” and wasting her time. I couldn’t help myself—I had to say something. I told her, “You know, if we didn’t have police officers doing their job, things could be much worse.” Of course, I got the usual eye rolls, but I wasn’t going to let that slide.

Darren told me later that I shouldn’t always speak up, especially when it might cause tension. But I just couldn’t not say something. I thought, maybe it’s the world that’s getting more impatient, and maybe I’m the one holding on to old-fashioned values—values like showing respect to others, appreciating service workers, and treating people with kindness no matter what they’re wearing or how they look.

And it’s not just about big things like that. It's the little things that drive me crazy. Like when someone in the checkout line makes a big scene because their coupon doesn’t work, or when people make snide comments about a restaurant’s menu instead of just politely asking questions. It all chips away at our sense of community, doesn’t it? We’re all just trying to get through the day, and it’s so much easier when we just respect each other, especially in public.

But, you know, I get it—times are tough. People are frustrated, and there's a lot of tension in the air. But that doesn’t mean we have to go around yelling at each other and creating more chaos. That’s what doesn’t sit right with me. If anything, the events of the last few years have made me appreciate kindness and patience more than ever. I can’t stand the idea that these bad behaviors are becoming the norm.

I think that’s part of why I’m writing this blog. Because I’ve been labeled as a “Karen,” and it’s hurtful. But I don’t think the name has to mean what people think it does. So, in case you're wondering why I’m going on like this, well, it’s because my name is Karen. And I’m not the person you think I am.

Summing Up

So, what’s the takeaway from all of this? It's not about labels or stereotypes. We’re all so quick to categorize each other, to define someone by a single moment or a single mistake. But at the end of the day, labels like "Karen" only serve to divide us further. What really matters is how we treat each other—how we choose to interact with the people around us, especially in moments of frustration or inconvenience. It’s about choosing kindness and respect, even when it feels difficult.

Life isn’t always easy, and it’s easy to let our tempers get the best of us. But taking a step back and recognizing that we're all just doing the best we can, that’s where change starts. Whether it's the cashier at the grocery store who's having a rough day, or the barista who's trying to keep up with a long line, or even the police officer who's faced with a difficult situation—everyone is fighting their own battles. We don’t always see it, but that’s the reality. And rather than taking our frustration out on them, we can offer patience, empathy, and, most importantly, respect.

We all have a role to play in creating a world where people don’t have to constantly defend themselves against unfair assumptions. If we can focus on understanding each other, if we can practice kindness and give people the benefit of the doubt, then we can begin to build a stronger, more compassionate community. It’s not about ignoring the challenges we face or pretending everything is perfect—it’s about acknowledging those challenges and working together to rise above them.

So let’s try to be a little more patient with one another. Let’s be a little more understanding when things don’t go as planned. And let’s remember that we’re all human. We all make mistakes. We all get frustrated. But when we choose to treat each other with kindness, it makes the world a little bit better for all of us.

Especially for those folks named Karen.