But lurking beneath the surface, hidden in the murky depths, is your shadow self.
A few years back, I was doing a show at a theater in Cleveland, the land of cleves. I was in a small play, cast of four, and we occupied the second stage. There was also a big musical, one of those cast of thousands deals on the main stage. We were all working at the same time, and all of the out-of-towners, of which I was one, were handled by the same company manager.
Now, I have been doing this for a while, and I have never really bothered company management. I knew where the grocery store was, didn’t mind taking public transportation, and had very few needs. No matter what, a good company manager checks in with you, responds quickly, and makes your life easier on the road. At this theater, they had an excellent company manager.
Whenever I saw the guy he was up, he asked if things were good and if I needed anything, and he was sincere. He was under a lot of pressure because he was handling two casts, one small and one very large and full of young actors. He seemed fine. I watched him handle big and tiny problems with equal grace and competence. He was the picture of calm and controlled.
One day, my cast, the four of us, were on break. We were sitting in the green room, going over lines, drinking coffee, and being very chill when our company manager came in. We all said hello, and he grunted at us. That was very unusual for him. He went to the kitchen area, looked around, and then said, “Where’s the ( expletive) peppermint tea?” A woman in my cast said I think the girls in the musical drank it, which was true. Our company manager took a step back and then went off on an expletive-filled screed on selfish and careless people, saying that we are humans and should think about others while aggressively making a cup of tea.
The four of us were in shock. He finished his diatribe and stormed out of the room. There was a silence, and someone said, “Well, that was out of character for him.”
But was it?
I thought back to my training and a teacher who told a class that when someone explodes or screams or laughs at a funeral, and others say that’s out of character, the reality is that is who they are, and that is their character, and that is what we, as actors, are trying to find in our work.
So, all my life as an actor, I have been searching for the out-of-character moments, which are genuinely character moments, of the characters I was trying to create. Then, one month later, when I was playing Freud in a show and conversing with Jung, the idea of the Shadow Self came up, and it all made sense.
These days, with all the weirdness and violence that’s taking place, I am hearing this phrase over and over: “This is not how America acts.” It has gotten me to think, maybe it is, Maybe America being out of character is actually in character. Perhaps we are seeing our shadow selves.
This got me thinking about shadow selves off stage and how they can harm our work selves. Since I am very Jung at heart, I thought I’d explore that, so I am. This blog will examine the shadow self at work for good and bad.
Understanding the Shadow Self
Let's dive into the fascinating world of Carl Jung and his theory of the shadow self. Imagine your personality as an iceberg. The part above water is your conscious self—the persona you present to the world. But lurking beneath the surface, hidden in the murky depths, is your shadow self. This shadow is the unconscious side of your personality, housing all those repressed weaknesses, desires, and instincts you'd rather not admit exist. Jung's theory suggests that this hidden part of us is crucial for understanding our whole selves. So, let's grab our scuba gear and explore these depths.
Unconscious Nature of the Shadow Self
The shadow self operates in the unconscious mind, meaning it's like that one sock that always disappears in the laundry—there, but you can't see it. It consists of parts of ourselves that we reject because they clash with how we want to be seen or how we see ourselves. Think of traits like selfishness, anger, and greed. However, it also includes positive attributes we fail to recognize or accept. Maybe you're secretly assertive, but years of being told to "play nice" have buried that trait deep in your psyche.
Conflict with Societal Norms
From the moment we're born, society starts molding us. We're taught what behaviors and traits are acceptable and which ones will earn us a trip to the principal's office. These societal norms are communicated through family, education, media, and peer groups. For instance, if expressing anger is considered bad, you'll likely grow up pushing that anger down into your shadow self. It's like stuffing your emotions into an overfilled closet—eventually, something will spill out.
Impact on Self-Image
Our self-image is that mental portrait we have of ourselves, framed by our beliefs, experiences, and feedback from others. To maintain a shiny, positive self-image, we often hide aspects we see as flawed. This repression creates a division within us, where the conscious mind is blissfully unaware of these hidden parts. But just because they're hidden doesn't mean they don't influence our behavior. It's like having a secret puppet master pulling the strings behind the scenes.
Components of the Shadow Self
The shadow self is a mishmash of various elements:
- Repressed Weaknesses: Traits we perceive as weaknesses. For example, someone who sees vulnerability as a flaw might suppress their need for emotional support.
- Unfulfilled Desires: Desires we deem inappropriate or unrealistic. For example, you might repress your longing to paint because it seems impractical.
- Instinctual Drives: Primal urges often deemed socially unacceptable, like aggressive impulses or deep-seated fears.
- Positive Attributes: Yes, even positive traits can get buried. Maybe you suppress your assertiveness because you were taught to be compliant.
Examples of Shadow Elements
- Selfish Impulses: Acts of selfishness we deny, preferring to see ourselves as altruistic.
- Deep-Seated Fears: Fear of failure or rejection we might not acknowledge.
- Insecurities: Hiding insecurities about our abilities behind a façade of confidence.
- Unrecognized Potential: Downplaying talents because they don't fit our self-image or societal expectations.
Formation of the Shadow Self
The shadow self takes shape through societal expectations, upbringing, and personal experiences. This process starts early and continues as we navigate life.
Societal Expectations:
From a young age, we're bombarded with cultural norms dictating what's acceptable. These messages come from family, school, media, and peers. If your culture values stoicism, you might suppress any sign of vulnerability.
Upbringing and Family Influence:
Family is a major player in shaping the shadow self. Parents and caregivers set the stage by rewarding certain behaviors and reprimanding others. A child consistently scolded for anger will learn to suppress it, adding it to their shadow.
Personal Experiences:
Personal experiences of rejection, failure, or criticism can push us to bury parts of our personality. If a child is bullied for being outspoken, they might suppress their assertiveness to avoid further harm.
The Process of Suppression:
We continuously evaluate our traits against external standards. Rewarded traits join our conscious self, while punished ones get stuffed into the unconscious. This isn't always a conscious decision—it's often an automatic defense mechanism.
Fitting In and the Cost of Suppression:
Suppressing certain traits helps us fit in, but it also creates a shadow self full of unacknowledged aspects. The more rigid the expectations, the larger and more complex the shadow.
Example of Formation:
Take a child who loves to draw but faces constant pressure to focus on academics. Over time, they might repress their creative side, believing it's unimportant or shameful. This creative aspect becomes part of their shadow self, potentially resurfacing in surprising ways later in life.
The Shadow Self in the Workplace
The workplace is a prime arena for the shadow self to make an appearance, especially under stress or conflict.
Unexpected Anger:
Picture a disagreement with a colleague escalating quickly, leaving you fuming. This reaction might surprise everyone, including yourself. It often stems from unresolved issues within the shadow self, like suppressed feelings of inadequacy.
Intense Jealousy:
Feeling a twinge of envy when a coworker gets a promotion or praise? This jealousy might come from repressed desires and insecurities. Perhaps it's a hidden fear of being overshadowed or a desire for recognition that you haven't fully acknowledged.
Disproportionate Anxiety:
A new task might trigger anxiety far beyond what seems reasonable. This anxiety could be rooted in hidden fears of failure or rejection. For example, a perfectionist might fear making mistakes so much that they become paralyzed by anxiety.
Surprising Behaviors
Snapping at Coworkers:
Ever snap at a coworker and later wonder what got into you? This irritability might be suppressed anger or frustration bubbling up. If you've ignored your need for personal space or felt overburdened, these feelings might erupt under stress.
Subconscious Sabotage:
Sabotaging a project or opportunity without realizing it can be another manifestation of the shadow self. Fear of failure or success might cause you to make decisions that hinder your progress.
Passive-Aggressive Behavior:
Passive-aggressive actions, like making sarcastic comments or procrastinating, often mask underlying resentment, jealousy, or anger. Recognizing these behaviors as manifestations of the shadow self can help you address the root causes.
Overreaction to Feedback:
If you find yourself overreacting to constructive criticism, it might signal deeper insecurities. Sensitivity to feedback can stem from past experiences where criticism felt like a personal failure.
Perfectionism and Control:
Striving for perfection and needing to control every aspect of a project can indicate an underlying fear of failure or a desire for approval. This can lead to burnout and strained relationships as you become overly critical of others.
The Impact on Professional Relationships
Communication Breakdowns:
The shadow self can lead to significant communication issues. Misunderstandings arise when we project our hidden fears and insecurities onto others. If you unconsciously fear being judged, you might interpret neutral feedback as a personal attack.
Trust Issues:
Hidden fears and insecurities can undermine trust. If you're unaware of your shadow self, jealousy, resentment, or competitiveness can make it hard to build authentic connections with colleagues, hindering collaboration.
Recognizing and Integrating the Shadow Self
Self-Awareness:
Developing self-awareness is the first step. Techniques like journaling, mindfulness, and seeking feedback can help you identify shadow aspects. Reflecting on your reactions can reveal patterns linked to hidden fears and desires.
Integration Strategies:
Integrating the shadow self means acknowledging and accepting these hidden aspects. Therapy, coaching, and self-reflection can be beneficial. Open conversations about your struggles and fears with trusted individuals can also aid this process.
Benefits of Embracing the Shadow Self
Personal Growth:
Acknowledging and integrating the shadow self leads to significant growth. It allows for greater self-acceptance and emotional resilience, helping you respond to challenges more effectively.
Improved Relationships:
Embracing the shadow self enhances empathy and understanding in relationships. Recognizing your vulnerabilities allows more profound connections with colleagues, fostering a supportive work environment.
Increased Creativity:
Tapping into repressed aspects can fuel creativity. The shadow self often holds unexplored potentials that, once acknowledged, can inspire new ideas and problem-solving approaches.
Enhancing Emotional Resilience
Recognizing and integrating the shadow self boosts emotional resilience. We manage emotions better by acknowledging suppressed fears, insecurities, and desires. Understanding that our anger stems from unresolved issues enables us to address the root cause rather than merely reacting.
Strengthening Relationships
Integrating the shadow self profoundly enhances relationships. Acknowledging vulnerabilities and repressed traits fosters empathy and understanding. This empathy improves communication and builds trust, promoting a harmonious work environment.
Unlocking Creative Potential
The shadow self harbors untapped creative potential. Exploring and integrating these repressed aspects unlocks new perspectives and ideas, driving personal satisfaction and professional success.
Fostering Authenticity and Integrity
Embracing the shadow self leads to greater authenticity and integrity. Aligning our conscious selves with our true nature reduces internal conflict, allows us to present ourselves genuinely, and enhances trust and respect in personal and professional spheres.
Promoting Continuous Growth
Understanding and integrating the shadow self is a continuous journey. Our shadow evolves as we encounter new experiences, presenting new growth opportunities. This ongoing process fosters a lifelong commitment to personal and professional development.
Practical Steps for Integration
- Mindfulness Practices: Regular mindfulness meditation helps observe thoughts and emotions without judgment, increasing self-awareness.
- Therapeutic Interventions: Therapy, particularly Jungian analysis, provides deeper insights and guides integration.
- Creative Expression: Activities like journaling, painting, or music offer outlets for exploring repressed parts of our personality.
- Reflective Practices: Regular self-reflection through journaling or discussion with a trusted mentor helps identify patterns and triggers.
Summing Up
Embarking on the journey to understand and integrate your shadow self is transformative. Start by observing your reactions and emotions, and consider seeking professional guidance. Integrating your shadow self leads to greater self-acceptance, enhanced relationships, and a more authentic existence.
