In the theater world, stepping onstage is called walking the boards. And for too many brands, loyalty has become a performance they’re stuck delivering night after night—spotlights on, lines rehearsed, audience unconvinced.
The Rise of Loyalty Theater: Are You Just Performing Connection?
Picture this: a spotlight hits the stage. A brand emerges, dressed in a glittering loyalty program, waving a personalized email and reciting lines from the “We Care Deeply About You” script. There’s a dramatic pause. A swell of music. Then a banner drops from the ceiling: “10% Off—Just for You!”
The audience claps politely. And quietly leaves.
Welcome to Loyalty Theater.
We’ve all seen it. The carefully choreographed gestures brands perform to appear emotionally connected. The anniversary emails you forgot you signed up for. The points program you never really understood. The product recommendation that has absolutely nothing to do with your preferences. All designed to say, “See? We know you! We care!”
Except… they don’t. Not really.
In Part 2 of The Loyalty Problem, we talked about the way brands confuse loyalty with bribery—how offering perks and points can feel more like transactional bait than a real relationship. This piece is about what happens when brands don’t just offer empty perks—they perform care. They act like they’re building connection, without actually doing the work to earn it.
It’s not malicious. But it is exhausting. For customers. For teams. For anyone hoping to build a brand that means something.
In the theater world, stepping onstage is called walking the boards. And for too many brands, loyalty has become a performance they’re stuck delivering night after night—spotlights on, lines rehearsed, audience unconvinced.
Maybe it’s time to step off the stage.
What Is Loyalty Theater?
Loyalty theater is when a brand acts like it’s building meaningful connection with customers—but it’s really just performing the idea of connection.
It’s the performance of care. The illusion of personalization. The scripted gestures meant to say, “You matter,” without doing the work of proving it.
And just like any stage production, it looks good from a distance. You’ve got:
- Loyalty programs that give you points for breathing
- Birthday discounts from brands you haven’t bought from since 2016
- “Hi [First Name], we miss you!” emails that you’re 99% sure were written by a raccoon with access to a CRM
- Customer surveys that go nowhere
- Chatbots that call you “friend” while refusing to answer the actual question
It’s connection as performance. Branding as a checklist. A carefully lit show with no emotional depth behind it.
The problem isn’t that these efforts are cynical. The problem is that they’re empty. They're designed to look like loyalty, to sound like personalization, to feel like care—but they lack the one thing that separates performance from relationship: vulnerability. The willingness to actually listen, respond, adapt, and—when necessary—be imperfect and honest.
In theater, a great performance moves people. In branding, a great performance often makes them suspicious.
And when that happens, the audience doesn’t boo. They just leave.
Why Brands Keep Performing Instead of Connecting
It’s easy to dunk on loyalty theater, but if we’re being honest, we get why it happens.
Performing connection feels safer than earning it. You can script it. You can automate it. You can A/B test it. It looks like progress, it checks marketing boxes, and it’s scalable—at least on paper.
Actual connection? That’s messy. It requires effort. Vulnerability. Attention. It doesn’t fit neatly into a campaign calendar or a KPI spreadsheet. And it’s terrifying because it means letting go of control. You have to listen, not just speak. You have to let the customer be part of the story, not just the audience.
So, instead, brands default to the show.
It starts with good intentions. “Let’s make people feel valued.” But somewhere along the line, it turns into scripted interactions and loyalty dashboards. It becomes easier to design a program than a relationship. Easier to build a tiered rewards system than to rethink how you engage.
There’s also the pressure to do something. The race for engagement. The anxiety of watching unsubscribe rates. The fear that if you’re not constantly popping up, you’ll be forgotten.
So brands turn to loyalty theater because it looks like effort. It creates activity. It generates data. It makes everyone feel like something’s happening—even if no one’s actually connecting.
But the thing is, customers know the difference. They know when they’re being spoken to versus being spoken at. They know when the backstage is empty, and the curtain’s about to fall.
And when they figure that out, they don’t send notes. They just exit quietly.
The Tell-Tale Signs of Loyalty Theater
Not sure if your brand is veering into performance territory? Here are a few classic giveaways. Some of them might even look familiar from your inbox—or, let’s be honest, your own marketing deck.
1. “We care” messaging with no follow-through
Every brand has a values page now. Every brand says it’s customer-first. But when those values only show up in ad copy—and not in the refund policy, or the customer service scripts, or how you handle complaints—it’s just set dressing. The sentiment isn’t wrong. It’s just unearned.
2. Personalization that isn’t personal
Nothing says “we know you” like getting recommended the exact product you just bought last week. Twice. In two emails. Followed by a push notification. Personalization only works when it’s actually based on thoughtful behavior—not when it’s stitched together by guessing and guessing poorly.
3. Birthday emails from brands you ghosted years ago
Nothing like an unexpected “Happy Birthday, [Insert Name]!” from a brand you haven’t interacted with since the Obama administration. Bonus points if it’s accompanied by a 10% discount and a request to “come back, we miss you.” That’s not loyalty. That’s spam in a party hat.
4. Empty feedback loops
You ask customers for feedback. They give it. You do... nothing. Or at least nothing visible. No updates, no changes, no acknowledgment. Just a thank-you and a form that disappears into the void. It’s the emotional equivalent of shouting into a canyon.
5. Loyalty programs that reward volume, not value
Spend more, get more. That’s the deal, right? But what about the customer who only buys once a year—but tells everyone they know about your brand? Traditional loyalty programs miss this completely. They reward behavior that’s easy to track, not behavior that actually builds community.
6. Over-scripted customer service
You know the one. “Thank you for reaching out. We apologize for the inconvenience. Your satisfaction is important to us.” These lines aren’t bad. They’re just lifeless. When every customer service rep sounds like they’re reading the same cue card, it doesn’t build trust—it builds suspicion.
7. Forced engagement
Pop-ups that beg for feedback before you’ve even used the product. Gamified dashboards that track imaginary progress. Emails that try to make a flash sale feel like a spiritual awakening. It’s all energy, no intimacy.
These aren’t loyalty tactics. They’re set design. Painted bricks. Convincing at first glance, but hollow underneath.
And customers? They’re not critics. They don’t need to write reviews. They just walk out of the theater.
Real Connection vs. Performance
The thing about real connection is... it’s kind of quiet. It doesn’t announce itself. It doesn’t need a loyalty tier name like “Diamond Prestige Insider Plus.” It just feels right.
Where loyalty theater is about appearing human, real connection is about being human. It’s less polished and more responsive. Less scripted, more sincere. It doesn’t have a points system, but it has memory. It doesn’t have tiers, but it has empathy. And instead of pushing rewards, it builds relationships.
Here’s the difference in practice:
A performance is sending an email that says, “We miss you!” when someone hasn’t shopped in six months.
A connection is reaching out with something actually useful—like a reminder to reorder based on their timeline.
A performance is a chatbot pretending to be human.
A connection is a real human showing up when the chatbot inevitably fails.
A performance is talking about how much you value feedback.
A connection is visibly acting on that feedback—and showing customers you heard them.
Real connection doesn’t scale as easily. It takes more effort. More intention. And yes, a little more vulnerability. But that’s what makes it stick.
Because when customers feel genuinely seen—not just tracked or nudged or upsold—they lean in. They listen. They remember. And more often than not, they come back.
They’re not applauding. They’re participating.
And participation, not applause, is the true test of brand loyalty.
A Few Brands That Get It Right
Not every brand is putting on a show. Some are quietly, consistently building loyalty by being exactly what they say they are—no curtain, no cues, no “Customer Experience Strategist” pulling strings behind the scenes.
Chewy
Chewy is basically the emotional support animal of e-commerce. Need pet supplies? Great. But also—your pet passed away? They might send flowers. You canceled an order? A real human will email you. They’ve somehow managed to do what giant companies rarely do: feel small in the best possible way. That’s not theater. That’s attention.
Patagonia
At this point, Patagonia feels like the friend who’s always doing the right thing—and not in an annoying way. They’re not screaming for credit. They just donate profits. Fix your gear. Stand up for things. And they keep doing it, even when no one’s watching (or trending). The loyalty they’ve earned isn’t from any points program—it’s from being consistent and principled over time. You trust them because they make it easy to.
Zappos (in its pre-Amazon prime)
Zappos built its reputation on one thing: service. Not service scripts. Not fake cheer. Just people helping people, and being weirdly enthusiastic about shoes. Their legendary customer support wasn’t about creating a “customer journey map.” It was about solving problems in a way that felt human. A call that lasted hours. A rep who sent pizza to someone stuck in a snowstorm. It wasn’t flashy—but it was unforgettable.
These brands didn’t earn loyalty by acting like they cared. They actually cared. And over time, that care turned into advocacy. Into stories. Into trust.
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to mean it.
What You Can Do Instead
So maybe you’ve recognized a few signs of loyalty theater in your own brand. That’s okay. Every brand has dabbled. The trick isn’t to feel guilty—it’s to pivot. Gently pull off the stage makeup, step out of the spotlight, and start earning loyalty the way it actually works.
Here’s how to begin:
Audit your messaging for honesty
Go through your emails, your site copy, your “We value you” banners. Do they reflect what your brand does, or just what it wants to sound like? If your messaging sounds like a trust fall with no one catching you, it’s time to tighten up.
Kill fake personalization
If your idea of personalization is auto-inserting someone’s first name and recommending what they already bought, you’re not personalizing—you’re guessing. Shift your strategy toward behavior-based relevance, or consider pulling back until it’s meaningful.
Make loyalty feel earned, not gamified
Instead of bribing people to stay, reward them for being part of the story. Exclusive content. Early access. A thank-you note that wasn’t pre-scheduled in a calendar. Anything that says, “You matter because of what you mean to us,” not just “You’re valuable because you keep spending.”
Let humans be human
Loosen the scripts. Empower your team. Give them room to solve problems with heart, not templates. The brands people love most aren’t always the most polished—they’re the ones that made them feel heard.
Stop trying to be impressive and start being useful
Ditch the loyalty dashboard. Focus on frictionless UX. Clear answers. Helpful tools. Good, honest products. Connection doesn’t require fireworks. It just needs to feel like someone gave a damn.
Because at the end of the day, your customers aren’t looking for a show. They’re looking for something real. And when they find it, they stick around—not for the applause, but because it feels like home.
Summing Up
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to impress your customers. But if your brand is putting more energy into looking like it cares than actually caring, you’re not building loyalty—you’re putting on a play.
And here’s the thing about plays: people know when they’re watching one.
Loyalty theater might get a few polite claps. A few pageviews. Maybe even a temporary lift in engagement. But it doesn’t build relationships. It doesn’t earn trust. It doesn’t last.
What does?
Consistency. Sincerity. Showing up like a brand that knows what it stands for and treats customers like they’re part of the team—not an audience to be entertained.
In Part 2 of The Loyalty Problem, we talked about how rewards programs and points systems often miss the mark—not because they’re bad, but because they try to buy loyalty instead of earning it. This piece has pulled that thread a little further. Because too many brands are still walking the boards, mistaking applause for connection, and wondering why the theater’s half-empty.
You don’t need a bigger stage. You need a real relationship. One built on trust, not tactics. One that doesn’t need a spotlight to shine.
Take off the costume. Step into the lobby. Shake a few hands. Listen.
That’s where the loyalty happens.
And speaking of trust—Part 3 of The Loyalty Problem is all about it. We’re digging into the trouble with fake transparency, the small betrayals that unravel belief, and why trust—not theatrics—is the only thing strong enough to hold real loyalty together.
It’s about to get honest.
