Ah, the company Christmas party. That magical time of year when corporate formality takes a backseat to awkward mingling, questionable karaoke, and one too many glasses of cheap Chardonnay.
Ah, the company Christmas party. That magical time of year when corporate formality takes a backseat to awkward mingling, questionable karaoke, and one too many glasses of cheap Chardonnay. While this annual event can be an excellent opportunity to bond with coworkers and show off your sparkly holiday sweater, it’s also a social minefield. It is ripe with chances to say, the next day, “No, did I really do that?” or to have Hellen from accounting, a usually mousy woman, come screaming down the hall toward you and then land you on the floor with a flying suplex while shrieking, “That was my boyfriend, how could you say that to him, I will kill you.” More than once, a worker has found himself in the boss’s office a few days after the Christmas party getting fired because, “Seriously, Jim, no one had ever seen that side of you, and frankly, we never want to again.”
The faux pas ranges from the simple mistake, “Actually, we slept together last year at the Christmas party, and then you spent his entire year avoiding me.” To the train wreck, “So, you came with Dave, glad he got away from that harpy of a wife he’s always complaining about. Pardon, you’re Dave’s wife. What an absolute pleasure to meet you.
To help you navigate this treacherous terrain, here are the top ten things you should never, ever do at the company Christmas party. It’s good to note that most of these Christmas party faux pas occur with the aid of a healthy dose of alcohol.
1. Drink Like You're at Your Second Cousin's Wedding
There’s an open bar and you, my friend, are open for business. Here are a few things to remember as you shout, “It’s okay, I’m not driving,” and try to assure Tiffany from billing that doing a shot off her back is not cheating on her boyfriend at all.
First and foremost, your coworkers WILL remember what you did. And since everyone and his dog has a cell phone and a salivating desire to go viral on TikTok, rest assured there will be photographic and video evidence to support their claims.
Speaking of phones, it’s probably a good idea to hide yours if you’re chugging bourbon like the answer to life’s questions are at the bottom of the glass. No need to drunk dial your ex or text your boss and tell him exactly how you’d run things if you were in charge.
And finally, a bunch of green olives on a red cocktail sword do not look at all like mistletoe, so cut yourself off before you try that bit.
Keep it classy and limit yourself to one or two drinks—or at least make sure someone you trust is at your side to punch you in the face if stuff starts to go off the rails.
2. Monopolize the Karaoke Mic
You’ve taken full advantage of the open bar, and now you think, yup, the time is right for me to unleash my Freddie Mercury impression and serve up your twenty-two-minute rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody on the party.
Don’t.
A quick jingle bells, a “funny” take on up on the housetop, maybe, just maybe, if you’re really able to pull it off, a sweet, short version of White Christmas. Nine bourbons and a karaoke machine are not an open invitation to you to try out a new song you just wrote in the second stall or some half-naked interpretive dance. Keep it festive, keep it simple, keep it G-rated, and keep it moving.
3. Bring Up Office Drama
Everyone may hate Matt from accounting for his mistake that cost all of you the Henderson deal, but that hate is reserved for home time. Having the courage to call Matt out, especially when that courage is of an amber color and served on the rocks, is not a good idea.
Also, thinking it would be a hoot to share the news that Barb and Greg were making out in the copy room, especially when you’re sharing that news with Greg’s wife, is probably unwise.
The Christmas party is not the place to hash out petty office grievances or rehash past mistakes. Keep the conversation light and festive. If all else fails, pivot to discussing the universally loved topic of holiday desserts.
4. Wear Something … Questionable
Unless you’re a Chippendale dancer and you toured the world flexing your rock-hard body and delighting audiences, it’s never a wise choice to wear a “sexy Santa” outfit to the party. Santa is doing pretty well for himself; he doesn’t need your help.
For the ladies, “slutty elf” is also a bad look. Christmas is a time for festive outfits, purposely ugly sweaters, and wreath pins. Halloween is for slutty cats, slutty elves, slutty cops, slutty kindergarten teachers. Christmas is joyous and fun, and slutty meter maid really has no place at the Christmas party.
If you must wear a “party” outfit, opt for something festive but appropriate, like an ugly Christmas sweater, but one that doesn’t double as a fire hazard or a holiday tie that doesn’t light up like a runway. If you're unsure, ask yourself, "Would HR approve of this outfit? Would my mother?”If the answer is no, change immediately.
5. Hit on Your Coworkers
Ever been to awkward town? It’s that little town you land in when you miss all the signs. You know, the ones that say, no, you cannot handle one more drink. And the big one that says DO NOT HIT ON SHELLY THE INTERN. Miss those signs at the company Christmas party, and you’ll be spending a good deal of the coming year mowing the lawn of your new home in awkward town.
Let’s make this crystal clear: flirting with coworkers at the Christmas party is a one-way ticket to Awkward Town, with frequent trips to WhatdidIdoville and maybe even a prolonged stay in Beenniceworkingwithyou City. Even if you’ve had a harmless workplace crush all year, the Christmas party is not the time to declare your feelings. Add a little alcohol to the mix, and what seemed like a charming compliment could end up sounding like the plot of a bad holiday rom-com that even the Hallmark Channel wouldn’t air. Save the romantic gestures for literally any other setting.
6. Overshare About Your Personal Life
The Christmas party is a place to get a little loose, relax, have some laughs, tell your coworkers that you enjoy them, and have fun. The Christmas party is not the time for a free therapy session.
Your colleagues don’t need to know about your roommate’s mildly sexual ferret obsession, your cousin’s recent embarrassing stint on reality TV, your latest Tinder date disaster, or the list of condiments employed to make the last barely legal young lady you dated … happy. Keep the oversharing to a minimum and focus on topics that won’t make everyone wish they were holding a cup of punch spiked with hemlock instead of conversing with you.
7. Challenge the CEO to a Dance-Off
If you hear yourself shouting, “This is my jam,” when the DJ drops a song you love, that’s okay as long as you don’t follow it up by pointing at your boss and saying, “You and me, dance floor now!”
Challenging the CEO—or any higher-up—to a dance-off is a risky move. Even if you win (and let’s be honest, you probably won’t), you’ll forever be known as "the person who made Sharon from HR twerk in front of the entire company." We’ve all seen Sharon, we all know Sharon, we all believe that Sharon and twerk are not words meant to occupy the same sentence. No one wants that legacy.
Dance if you must, but don’t make it part of the evening’s entertainment, and do not challenge anyone who signs your check or handles hiring and firing to meet you on the dance floor.
8. Take “Casual Friday” Too Far
“C’mon, it’s a party, everyone will be drunk!!” should not be your guide when dressing for the company Christmas party.
We all want to feel comfortable, but the company Christmas party is not the time to bust out your “Say hello to my little elf” with the arrow pointing to your crotch, T-shirt, and matching sweatpants ensemble.
While it’s not a boardroom meeting, it’s also not your living room or a frat house. Find a happy medium: festive, fun, and polished. If you’re unsure what to wear, watch a few Hallmark Channel Christmas movies and copy that wardrobe. It might be a bit dull, but plaid and tasteful sparkle are always safer bets than your “Sit on my lap, and I’ll fill your socks” t-shirt and matching light-up shorts.
9. Turn the White Elephant Exchange into a Gladiator Arena
The White Elephant gift exchange is supposed to be harmless fun. Keyword: supposed. But if you’re the type who views it as a cutthroat competition, simmer down, Sparky.
Swiping the "good gifts" more than once is fine; swiping all of them while gleefully shouting, "This is war!" is a vibe no one invited. Similarly, don’t be the joker who brings something wildly inappropriate, like a box of "adult-themed" ornaments, pastries, playing cards, or scratch-and-sniff postcards.
Remember, Barbara from HR is here, and Barbara will report you, probably to herself, but that report goes on your permanent record, mister, so be careful. Stick to a candle or coffee mug that is not too expensive that it shames your coworkers and not something you grabbed at the gas station on your way to the party that you wrapped in the paper a cheeseburger you ate a month ago came in.
Also, it’s best not to bring a gift that could double as a plot twist in a reality show about workplace disasters.
10. Disappear Like a Corporate Houdini
The company Christmas party is not the place to perfect your Irish goodbye. You know, when you have a cup of punch, mingle a bit, excuse yourself from a conversation to use the restroom, and then just walk out the door, get in your car, and go home.
We get it. Socializing is exhausting, and you’d rather be home binge-watching "The Great British Bake Off" in your pajamas. Why it’s playing in your pajamas, we’ll never know. But ghosting the company Christmas party is a faux pas.
Suck it up, and make the rounds, thank the organizers, and say goodbye to your boss and a few key colleagues before you leave. Bonus points if you compliment the decor or the catering—flattery goes a long way when it comes to holiday cheer.
Summing Up
The company Christmas party is like the final exam of the corporate holiday season—an opportunity to shine or completely flunk out in spectacular fashion. It's not just about showing up; it's about showing up with tact, humor, and a firm grasp of your drink limit. Follow these simple rules to enjoy a festive night without becoming the cautionary tale of next year’s event.
Remember, this is your chance to leave a great impression as the year wraps up—not as the person everyone avoids in the hallway come Monday morning. So relax, enjoy the spirit of the season, and make some happy holiday memories. And hey, if all else fails, just keep your mouth full of hors d'oeuvres and nod politely. Now go forth, sip responsibly, and tackle that festive buffet like the true holiday hero you are!
Merry Christmas from all your friends at ThoughtLab!
