And therein lies the heart of the issue. We are shocked when people in the spotlight behave decently because somewhere along the way, we’ve come to expect the opposite.
I’ll admit I’m not a huge Taylor Swift fan. It’s not that I dislike her or think she’s some kind of cultural blight. It’s just that I’ve happily accepted I’m not her target demographic. My musical tastes are firmly planted somewhere between the late sixties and mid-eighties—think of it as a time capsule that’s a little too stuck in the past to let go. But as much as I’ve kept a healthy distance from her world of chart-topping hits, I’ve been given a glimpse into her life thanks to my love of football.
Now, I’m sure you’re thinking, “Here we go, another person raving about Swift’s love life,” but bear with me. I’m not here to talk about who’s dating who. This isn’t about who’s in the luxury suite at Arrowhead Stadium cheering on Travis Kelce. Instead, it’s about something I find far more interesting: the reactions that come when Taylor Swift, of all people, behaves decently.
You see, Taylor Swift, apparently, has been doing something a little unusual for a celebrity—she’s been being kind. You know, polite, generous, engaging in human interaction like a regular person. I read a story the other day about her meeting the kitchen staff at one of the games, and the chef said, “She’s just a good person. She was so kind. I was shocked.” That’s right—shocked. Shocked that a world-class artist is nice to the people who cook her food. Apparently, she also tipped security at Yankee Stadium, and once again, “she was just so polite and kind. Just so authentic.”
Now, to her millions of fans, this might come as no surprise. They probably think, “We knew she was a decent person all along.” And for them, I’m genuinely happy. But for someone like me, who tends to be a little on the cynical side, I have to ask: Why are we so shocked when a celebrity, or anyone in a position of power, acts like a normal, decent human being?
And therein lies the heart of the issue. We are shocked when people in the spotlight behave decently because somewhere along the way, we’ve come to expect the opposite. We expect, almost as a given, that the more famous, the more wealthy, or the more powerful someone is, the less decency they’ll show. And what does that say about us?
The Shock of Decency
When I read about Taylor Swift being kind to people, I couldn’t help but think, “How sad is it that we live in a world where simple acts of kindness are shocking?” It’s as if the default assumption in our collective psyche is that people in the spotlight—celebrities, the wealthy, the powerful—are entitled to act however they please, even if that means treating others poorly.
This is not a new phenomenon, either. If anything, it’s an issue that’s been amplified over the years by the growing prominence of social media and the rise of celebrity culture. We’ve been conditioned, almost without realizing it, to expect our heroes and idols to be, well, less than heroic. Maybe it’s because we’ve seen so many stories of arrogant actors, obnoxious musicians, or entitled athletes that our brains have just come to associate fame with bad behavior. Or maybe it’s because we know, deep down, that many of these people live in a different world, a world so removed from our own reality that we start to believe they’ve lost touch with basic human decency.
And here lies the paradox. While we simultaneously place these individuals on pedestals, we’re also preparing ourselves for their inevitable fall from grace. We expect them to be aloof, rude, or disconnected from the struggles of everyday people. And when, by some miracle, they show a glimpse of humanity—when they’re just… nice—we’re taken aback. It’s as if they’ve broken some unwritten rule about the power dynamic between them and the rest of us.
But here’s the kicker: the moment we are shocked by decency, we reveal something important about ourselves. We reveal how far we’ve fallen from expecting the bare minimum in human behavior. We’ve come to accept rudeness, entitlement, and negativity as part of the package deal. But why?
Respect: Is It Given or Earned?
One of the most charged words in the conversation about human decency is respect. We’ve all heard the infamous rants of people in fast food restaurants or at retail counters, yelling, “You need to respect me!” It’s as if respect is some entitlement that can be demanded rather than something that’s earned or reciprocated. But here's the thing: do we really have to respect everyone, or is respect something that needs to be earned?
The truth is respect isn’t a simple, one-size-fits-all concept. It’s layered and contextual. We talk about it like it's an absolute—“You must respect me, no questions asked”—but should we give respect to everyone, no matter their actions?
Some people seem to think respect is an automatic right, something that should just be handed over because of their position, their title, or their attitude. The truth is, respect isn’t something that’s given freely to everyone without consideration. In fact, one of the biggest contradictions I see in society today is how people demand respect without earning it, while simultaneously treating others with disdain or entitlement. If you want respect, you have to show respect—not just to people who can do something for you or people you like, but to everyone. You don’t automatically get it by virtue of your status, and you certainly don’t earn it by belittling others.
That doesn’t mean we should walk around withholding basic human decency. It’s essential to be polite, kind, and empathetic toward others, regardless of who they are or what they do. This is where being a decent human being comes into play. Being decent means recognizing that every person, regardless of their background or station, deserves to be treated with dignity. This is the minimum standard we should strive for—treating people as we would want to be treated, regardless of the respect they may or may not have earned.
However, there’s a clear distinction between treating someone decently and respecting them. You can be civil, kind, and even empathetic to someone without necessarily respecting their actions or their behavior. The challenge is that, in our current society, the lines between decency and respect often get blurred. We expect people to give respect based on status or other external qualities, while in reality, respect should be built on a foundation of shared understanding, integrity, and behavior.
For instance, a person in a position of authority—whether a boss, a politician, or even a celebrity—might receive basic respect because of their role, but it doesn’t mean they should be treated as inherently superior or more deserving of admiration. They’re human, just like the rest of us, and they still have to earn our respect through their actions, words, and behavior. If their actions are negative or harmful, they don’t automatically deserve respect just because they hold power or influence. The opposite is true, too—being respectful doesn’t require us to condone negative behavior. We can disagree with someone, call out their actions, or even challenge their views, but still show them basic respect as human beings.
Respect should be based on how people treat others and the world around them. That’s what separates decency from earned respect: while everyone deserves decency as a baseline, respect needs to come from an ongoing pattern of respectful behavior, not entitlement. In other words, respect is something you earn through how you treat others and the world around you—not by the power you wield, the wealth you possess, or the status you hold.
The Low Bar for Human Interaction
Let’s break it down for a second. Why is it so hard to be decent? I’m not talking about being some saint, performing grand gestures of kindness that would make Mother Teresa jealous. I’m talking about the basics—politeness, respect, showing a little bit of empathy. Why do we act as though these simple, everyday acts are things we should applaud rather than expect?
Part of it, I believe, has to do with how our culture has shifted over the years. There was a time when decency was considered a given. Sure, people had their flaws, but things like manners, empathy, and simple kindness were expected in society, not celebrated as rare exceptions. The idea was that you treat people the way you’d want to be treated. It was basic, boilerplate kindness.
Fast forward to today, and that baseline seems to have disappeared. We’ve somehow allowed our standards to slip. Part of this, no doubt, is due to the rise of individualism. In a world where everyone is told to hustle, climb the ladder, and put themselves first, there’s not much room left for basic human decency. Kindness, in a sense, has become a commodity. It’s no longer something we expect in everyday life but something we see as extraordinary when it happens.
In this climate, kindness isn’t a given anymore—it’s a surprise. It’s like finding an oasis in a desert. And I think that’s a real problem. If we have to applaud someone for being polite to a service worker or tipping generously, what does that say about the rest of us? Are we so far removed from our better instincts that we’ve forgotten how to treat each other with basic respect? It’s as though we’ve conditioned ourselves to accept bad behavior as the norm and anything above that is viewed as a blessing.
Reclaiming Decency in Daily Life
If kindness has become a rare commodity, then it’s up to us to reclaim it—not just in our interactions with celebrities or people of influence, but in every aspect of our daily lives. It’s easy to say, “Well, celebrities should be decent, so I’ll just sit back and wait for them to set a good example.” But that’s not enough. We can’t just expect the people we look up to to lead by example; we have to be the ones showing the way.
Take Tom Hanks, for example. I had the privilege of working with him on From the Earth to the Moon—and let me tell you, he is everything you hope he’d be. Not just a good actor but a genuinely kind person. No airs, no pretensions, just a professional who treats everyone around him with respect. He doesn’t act like he’s above anyone else. He just treats people like people. And that’s the bar we should be setting, not just for celebrities but for ourselves.
It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that being nice is something extraordinary, but in reality, it should be the baseline. We all have the capacity for decency, but somewhere along the line, we’ve forgotten how to use it. We’ve become so accustomed to seeing and hearing about bad behavior that we’ve started to accept it as normal. But the truth is, kindness is simple. It’s not about grand gestures or making a public spectacle of how wonderful we are—it’s about small, everyday moments of decency.
And here’s the thing: being decent doesn’t cost us anything. It doesn’t take extra time or effort. It just requires us to be present, to show empathy, and to treat others with the respect they deserve. It’s about holding the door open for someone, saying “thank you,” being patient when someone is having a rough day, and recognizing the humanity in everyone around us.
If we want to see a shift in society, it starts with us. It starts with choosing kindness in our everyday lives, no matter how small the act may seem. And when we do this, it creates a ripple effect. The more we practice decency, the more others will see it and follow suit. Soon, kindness won’t feel like the exception—it’ll feel like the rule. And that’s the world I’d like to live in.
Summing Up
So, why is decency so hard? It’s not, really. It’s just been buried beneath a pile of cynicism, negativity, and unhealthy power dynamics. In a world where we’re bombarded by bad news and rude behavior, it’s easy to assume that kindness is some rare and precious gift instead of the baseline for human interaction that it should be.
As we've seen, kindness isn’t some monumental task. It doesn’t require grand gestures, just the ability to treat people with basic human respect. Decency is a muscle we all have, even if it’s a little out of practice. When we’re kind, we’re not giving something away that we’ll never get back—we’re simply adding something valuable to the world around us. In a society that’s obsessed with status and entitlement, kindness is a quiet rebellion, a way to remind ourselves that we’re all in this together, regardless of who we are or what we have.
But here’s the catch: Decency isn’t something we can just expect from others. It has to start with us. If we want to see kindness become the norm again, we can’t just wait for celebrities or politicians, or the people in charge to show us the way. We have to take the lead. We need to stop treating decency like a rare gift and start seeing it as a responsibility.
Imagine if we all showed up each day with the intention to be just a little bit kinder, just a little more understanding, just a little more respectful. It would be like a ripple effect. One kind action spreads, touching lives and inspiring others to do the same. Before long, kindness could be the default. Decency could become the norm again.
We can’t afford to keep lowering the bar for human interaction. If we do, we’ll continue to live in a world where kindness feels like an outlier, and decency seems like an extraordinary feat. It’s time to shift the narrative. It’s time to make decency not just the exception but the expectation.
So, yes, being decent is hard—but it’s only hard because we’ve made it that way. We’ve let negativity and power dynamics set the tone for how we treat one another. But the good news is that we have the power to change it, one interaction at a time.
The next time you find yourself shocked by a simple act of kindness, remember that it shouldn’t be shocking at all. It should be the baseline. And if we all start treating it as such, we’ll start living in a world where kindness isn’t the exception—it’s the rule.
